Being suicidal is an altered state of consciousness. Our decision-making is compromised and distorted, much like being under the influence of some sort of drug. We are just not thinking clearly in terms of the likelihood of whatever problems we're facing being resolved in the future. We are myopically focused on the present. Our perception of time is impaired, it feels like you're acutely bored and time is just dripping by very slowly. It's excruciating, this state of suicidality.