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Moment of Truth: The Twittering And The Dread

Welcome to the Moment of Truth, the thirst that is the drink.

It’s so ironic and strange to me that every morning begins with birds announcing the dawn, accompanied by a feeling of dread. It’s such a funny contrast to me, the pretty bird song and the hopeless, dying heart. The night recedes as the day trickles in, and I wake up to nature’s bucolic musical optimism meeting my own deep pessimism. And fear. Let’s not forget the fear. Pessimism is just an amateur activity if unaccompanied by dread.

It’s a relief to know that friends in Puerto Rico have been partying all night getting rid of a lousy governor, and preparing to do more. It’s pleasant. It makes the singing of birds seem not so out of place, as if what we call “nature” and what we call “humanity” might be able to coexist. It’s like finding that the missing piece of the puzzle wasn’t missing, you were just placing it backwards. It fits! Like a revelation.

Once I see people doing it in one instance, I notice others. But I’m not here to talk about them. That would be wonderful, but I’m not in a wonderful mood.

Having a reason to get out of bed has never been my forte. I suppose that’s why God or nature or whatever trickster-ish cosmic force gave me a bladder and bowels. Once I’ve got my wits about me, it’s too late, I’m already up and functioning. The decision to get up into the world has been taken out of my hands. From then on it’s do-or-be-done-to.

And it seems like I’m getting done-to lately more than I’m getting things done.

Like what it seemed was happening to the people of Puerto Rico. Getting blown and flooded by a hurricane. Getting ignored and insulted by the various governments whose job it is to aid them. Getting austeritied. Getting privatized. Throughout it all, they took the wheel whenever they could. They helped each other in the hurricane’s aftermath, which certainly must have had a unifying effect, preparing them for these days of wonderful, inspiring action.

They’re turning it around. I should be able to turn it around, too.

BTW, I’m just so excited to hear Dave Buchen report live from San Juan, that I can barely think of dreading anything right now. And by this point, unless something has gone wrong, I’ve probably heard it already! Was it great? Answer:

Listen, it’s been a rough week. Last Saturday I awoke to find my left leg wouldn’t respond to the commands of my brain. I could walk on it, but it seemed drunk while the rest of me was sober. This caused my very dear friend Paula to send me to her chiropractor, who gave me some very effective stretches to do, but also checked my blood pressure and found it to be sky high! Luckily another dear friend, Monique, had filled out my MediCal application a few months earlier, and it turns out that in a couple weeks I’ll be choosing my first primary care physician since the Writers Guild cut me off COBRA 12 years ago. So I’m overdue to get all my health numbers, see how this past 12 years of Dorchen-style living has affected my cholesterol etc. I’m sure I’m in for some lousy news, but until then I’m off alcohol, coffee, sugar, dairy, and red meat. And it’s back to exercise and yoga, like I used to do when I thought it would make women attracted to me.

More than that, I’m committed to finding some purpose in my life. I know I’ve been peddling the Socialist Leisure Party line, and I still believe in it, but I think I’ve been overdoing it before the time is ripe. I’m trying to fly before I’ve even broken my chains. And people have been inspiring me. My friend Kristina ran for Sub-district 5 Wilshire Center Koreatown Neighborhood Council and won, and she’s working on a proposal right now to keep ICE from kidnapping and disappearing our LatinX neighbors, like they did just a few days ago in Echo Park. My friend Tanya is Artistic Director of the Santa Monica Rep, and she and a whole lot of other theater artists of color have been working on creating safe space in the theater for themselves. I’ve been seeing the varied multitude of people I admire doing things to fight the negative current this country seems determined to ride down in an inner tube with a beer can hat on. And the worse things get in the news, the more inspiring these people and their actions become.

I guess it’s time for me to knuckle under to peer pressure and do something worth doing.

So, yeah, it’s not just Puerto Rico that’s turning things around. They’re just doing the coolest job of it at the moment. Our day will come. Maybe someone will turn the Panama Papers into an animated cartoon. Then there’ll be no stopping us, till every exploiter gives up goods.

This has been the Moment of Truth. Good day!

Moment of Truth


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