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Moment of Truth: Faults In Our Deflection.

Welcome to the Moment of Truth: the thirst that is the drink.

It’s a dangerous world. How do you make it safe? You can’t make everyone safe. You have to start by making yourself safe. How? By deflecting, so I hear. Deflection. It’s the coward’s way and you’ve got to give it to cowards, they’re all safety first.

I’d like to deflect a few things. Because I’ve heard that’s what clever people do, they deflect. Or maybe not clever people, successful people. I’m not sure what characterizes these people, to be honest, but deflection seems to be thought of as a successful strategy. I’m not sure for what. But successful on its own terms or on some terms.

I heard from an anonymous source that, at UCLA, a stupid uninoculated millennial may have exposed 500 people or so to the measles, those people were quarantined, and the school has been hushing it up, but you didn’t hear it from me.

My writing partner is saddened that chimps in the Detroit Zoo are no longer allowed to smoke. I agree, it’s an unfortunate decision. Everything gets ruined by these priggish bluestocking martinets. One of my fondest childhood memories is of going into the Great Ape House and seeing Jo Mendi II relaxing with a cigarette and the morning paper. What are the chimps supposed to do now when they’re having coffee or a beer?

Trump writes up an executive order that health workers can refuse to give medical care for religious reasons. So if a Satanic pharmacist doesn’t want to sell you reading glasses because you’ll use them to read the Bible, you’re out of luck, Junior.

Look, I’ve wasted my life. I did it just to see what that would be like. And it’s fine. It’s miserable, yeah, but lots of people are miserable who haven’t wasted their lives at all. They’ve created quite beautiful things, like restaurants or symphonies or babies. Yet they can be miserable, physically miserable, living in misery. I’m just miserable because I’m haunted by self-disgust. Because I’ve wasted my life, and I did it on purpose, just to see what it would be like. And it’s great, really.

But it was a stupid thing to do, in other ways. But then, wasn’t it stupid of us to allow things to get to this point? Where everything is melting and burning, and only incredibly stupid, vile people are allowed to hold public office? That’s not so smart, right? So why is it an issue that I’ve stupidly allowed my life and my potential to rot and vaporize? I mean, haven’t we all been just as stupid, in our own way? And by “our own way,” I mean “your own way” because I’ve already accounted for myself. I’m outside the equation. I wasn’t trying to do anything smart. I was just trying to get away without doing anything smart. But you all, you’ve actually been living. You’ve been trying. I mean, Yo Yo Ma and Ai Wei Wei and you others, you’ve been really trying. And sure, you’ve done some beautiful, meaningful stuff. But in the end, y’know, all the coral is going to be bleached and dead. And cities are all destroyed. Floods. Y’know, stuff like that, it hasn’t really done a damn thing to forestall the end of our world, it’s just made pretty noises and objects. It’s made people think. It’s made people do things, but whatever it made them think and do, it didn’t really stop the steamroller of destruction coming for us.

Not to dwell on destruction. They took a picture of a black hole, did you see this thing? And what’s more destructive than a black hole? Beyond the event horizon, everything turns into nonsense. It’s so beautiful. It’s a torus. It’s a toroidal shape. And here I am, you don’t need me to interpret that extreme gravity for you, I’m the guy who wasted his life, remember? I wasted my life to see what would happen. Could it really be accomplished, the wasting of one’s life? More importantly, could I do it? Because I’m no one special. I accepted the mission because it’s important to me to be no one special. Not just anyone can waste his life. And yet just anyone did. It takes a really extraordinary person to commit to be ordinary, but not just ordinary, but, yes, maybe yes, maybe just ordinary, yes. Maybe.

So I wasted my life, that’s such a tragedy? I’m not gonna get worked up about it. You need to get right with God. No, not really. But check your own whatever. Because from where I sit, lying down, staring at the ceiling, things look pretty bad for everyone. Legit bad. Bad in legit fashion.

I mean, we’ve almost poisoned all our water. What were we thinking? And you all have to take responsibility for that. I don’t, because I was busy wasting my life. We’re killing all life on this planet at an alarming rate. And by we I mean You. You did this. I was busy with my life’s all- encompassing project of wasting my life. It kept me busy every single minute of every day.

Seriously, you try it. Too late, am I right? You’ve already achieved. You’ve over-achieved. Yes you have. It’s way too late for you to waste your lives now. What can I tell you, as someone who’s gone beyond that event horizon of the wasted life? Can I tell you it’s beautiful here? Can I? I can. It is sometimes. And horrible. Much like your own lives. But I’ve gone over the event horizon, where matter is, I don’t know, it just, maybe it just, we don’t know. And by we, I mean you. You don’t know. You don’t understand. It’s beyond understanding.

They could’ve left well enough alone. They could’ve let the damn chimps enjoy their smoking time. They could’ve kept abortion legal. They could’ve used the Electoral College for its intended purpose and set Donald Dump on fire when they had the chance. And they say I’ve wasted my life. The Electoral College wasted its life.

They’ve been cheaping out with the military. The Navy has some seriously understaffed battleships. That’s why they keep crashing into things and killing people. Same with the Air Force. No, it’s not just public education that they’re starving. It’s gotten so bad they’re even pocketing money that should be keeping sailors and soldiers and pilots safe on the job. Well, members of the armed forces are just workers, after all. Why should they be safe? Why should they have any more safety than any other poor slobs. The embezzling class, they really are awful people and by they I don’t mean you, although if it is you, shame on you.

Look, I just wanna deflect, that’s the name of the game, right? Sure, I wasted my life, but let’s face it, we’re all in this together. And by we I mean you.

This has been the Moment of Truth. Good day!

Moment of Truth


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